Emotional ER: Ending the Pain not YOU

Right now in this moment... if the pain is so intense and you can't stop it and you so badly just want to stop hurting.

IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL RIGHT NOW .... Hold on.... I want you to know that I am not a therapist or a mental health provider... but I am a survivor from that extreme emotional pain... I know what its like to be in this moment you are in right now.

I UNDERSTAND....

Hi, I‘m Jenn, we‘ve never met, to me I am just words on your computer screen, ... Whatever has brought you to this blog, I don’t know why, but what I do know is that in this very moment you and I have converged on this world wide net.. Which is good, it’s great for that matter. So for these next few moments, let’s be friends. If you can, promise yourself to stay with me, don’t do anything drastic… just read.

“You’re hurting” I know, it’s what brought you here.

The pain is so consuming, that you want nothing more than to STOP the PAIN. You’ve tried everything, nothing is working, desperate to ease the burning in your heart you’re considering suicide. I know, I’ve been there. It fucking sucks.
I wish I could squeeze myself into the computer and pop up next to you. You need someone, a hug, someone to listen to. I wish that was me. But, believe me, when I say, I am happy me met. Just hold on.

You with me? There is nothing worse than feeling hopeless, I know, baby. Life shouldn’t be like this, but there is hope. It might not be a gigantic heavenly sized hope, where the sun is shining and angels are singing.. but it’s there. And if you hold on to it- it’s just enough to get you though this one moment.
Alright, still there? Sweet, cuz this means so much to me, and you’ll see, to you too. Let’s just say, that there’s something inside you holding on, it might even be a very small voice, doubting whether our not you really want to die. I hate to say it, but…….. you are normal. Inside you there is a war going on, wanting to end the pain and wanting everything back the way it was.

I remember desperately looking for relief... and then I was still planning what I would do the next day, thinking “What am I going to cook for dinner?”... it was strange. I really didn't want to end my life... It‘s this immense pain we want to die, not you!! There’s that tiny ray of hope, that part of you that still thinks about tomorrow. It’s there…really. Kay, if you are still with me… woo hoo, I would hug you right now if I could.
.
"Suicide, you chose it, it actually isn’t force on you. It’s just that once you are at this point considering death, you think you’ve run out of choices. But what it really is, is that you don’t know how to deal with your pain.

You are not a bad person, crazy, or weak because you feel suicidal. Nor does this mean you really want to die- it only means that the pain is so intense and is greater than your ability to cope with pain right now- this moment.
Pain and coping skills are different from person to person! How much one can stand pain differ as well... and that's NORMAL! Coping skills are tools we use to understand and regulate emotions and reactions from pain.
Suicide is a result of an imbalance where pain exceeds coping skills.

Surviving Suicidal Feelings is a REALITY!

1. You’ve got to find a way to decrease the pain.
2. And then increase your coping skills.

Here are five things to think about:

1. THERE IS HOPE! You need to know that people get through this-- even as badly as you feel right now. There is a good chance you are going to live. Just hold on to even one grain of sand piece of hope.

2. Give yourself some distance. Set yourself a safety contract...wait 24 hours before you do anything. Feelings and actions are two different things- you feel suicidal doesn't mean you have to do it right this minute. Put some distance between suicidal feelings and action. Even for just 24 hours... You've already read this for the past five minutes, just by reading this blog. Keep going!!! Realize that while you feel suicidal, you are NOT acting on it. THAT’S HUGE!!! That is the core of that tiny little ray of hope... if you read this far I am encouraged and I hope you ae too.

3. Suicide is not a pain reliever. Relief is a feeling too, you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you do desperately seek if you are DEAD.

4. Others have feelings too, and they will react badly to your suicidal feeling, either because they are too scared or angry, without even knowing it they may actually increase your pain, instead of helping decrease it. You have to understand that their adverse reactions are about their fears and not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, they will not judge you, argue with you or send you to a hospital, or try to talk to you out of feeling the way you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one- NOW--use these next 24 hours and reach out to someone tell them what's going on with you. ITS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S. Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999 Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line Call a psychotherapist Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen.

You don't have to do this ALONE! It is a coping skill to talk about how you got to where you are, it releases alot of the pressure. Just by talking you are regaining some of your balance.

5. Suicidal feeling are traumatic. After they subside- continue to take care of yourself. Therapy is a good idea. There are many places that you can go to for help.

Guess what...it's been a few minutes and your still here. I am really happy.
Since you got this far- you DESERVE a REWARD.

Rewarding yourself is a COPING SKILL!

You are well on your way to gaining more and more coping skills- if you keep on going, one day your coping skil wll outnumber the sources of your pain.

Alright my friend, while this blog has might have given you a small measure of relief, the best coping skill I can give you is to find someone to talk to. Someone who wants to listen, woa another coping skill... hopefully it wont be the last either.

NOW, I'd Like you to call someone.

If all else fails: there is no weakness in going to the hospital for help, actually, I refused to go but went anyways... I will never forget the help I got from them.
YOU are LOVED...you just have to FIND it IN YOU- FIRST!!!!