Do BPD's Feel?

I've gotten alot of people asking the question, "Do BPD's feel?" I've gone through a couple of forums and dang! They address the BPD as raving lunatic who are devoid of all sincere emotions. Woa hold your horses there Tonto... that is entirely not true! Yes the BPD can act crazy and wild and deranged. But that is the symptom of Borderline Personality disorder.... the root cause is the fact that they either feel way too much or not at all.

As a recovered BPD, I can atest to how demoralizing it is to read the plethera of blogs out there that label us as hopeless causes and advise all to run as fast as they can from the BPD's. It's extremely painful to think that they are worthless and not fit human beings.

Okay, okay, I do admit that if a BPD is abusive to others and or themselves and refuse to believe that they have a problem, well then no one on God's green earth should stay around and ask for second helpings of abuse. But there got to be a good exit strategy to leave a BPD one that is healthy for you and the BPD...hmmmmmm is that even possible???? rrr wait! It wasn't until I was alone did I begin to work on recovery...then again I still had many a people near and dear to me who stayed and I still recovered without lashing out or hurting them... Mental note must write a blog on that too. But alas that must wait until next time. Back to the topic at hand Watson!

DO BPD'S FEEL?

The answer is yes they do feel. But imagine that they recieve emotions through a broken radio, either the volume is stuck on high or mute...no sounds in between. That is because for years as children they were told not to listen to themselves and their feelings. "Stop that crying! Do you want me to give you a reason to cry? You shouldn't feel that way!" said someone over and over again once upon a time. Instead of teaching the future BPD child how to cope with their emotions the important people in their lives taught them to ignore them. Have you ever tried to ignore an emotion??? It's purrrtttyy darn hard aint it? Or they were physically abused and to survive they learned to cut off those icky soul killing feelings. The problem was that they severed all ways to feel healthy in the process. The way a BPD learns to do that is by adopting other peoples emotions as their own. They learn to box up their feelings and make em disappear. Well at least they think so until they are alone and these feelings return with a vengenance. Since they don't know how to deal with them they act out in various ways to drown out their overwhelming feelings. They'll do everything and anything to silence the feeling. Or they try really hard to never ever be alone. As long as there is someone near to draw feelings from their own feelings stay at bay and away from their attention. Ergo the reason they are afraid of abandonment.

So how does one deal with a person who can't deal with their feelings? How does one stay with a BPD and not get sucked into their emotional vacuum?

First and foremost, they need to accept that there is a problem that they must address. Actually that is the case with anything unhealthy, not just the BPD. Can't fix anything until you admit its broke right????

Chances are the BPD knows there is something wrong inside them, they just can't put a finger on it. Most definately the BPD wants to be rid of whatever it is that's hurting them, even if it inside of them. Think about it... the BPD at their worst try and cut away at themselves to be rid of the pain. They are willing to change but the path to change is very unconventional and definately not mainstream.

I think that society has set rules on how we are to feel. And so when we look at a BPD we automatically want to tell them that they are wrong in feeling a certain way. But isn't that exactly what made them to be like that in the first place? I'll be honest... it magnifies the feeling a million fold. Instead of doing that maybe consider encouraging the BPD to work through their feelings and not to act out on a feeling.

The BPD needs to re-learn how to feel. You can't feel for them. They need to know they won't die if they feel a scary feeling all the way through. It feels like they are gonna die but point out that they survived feelings like that before.

The truth of the matter is that BPD's act the way they feel. It's the action that is unacceptable... encourage them to find new ways to express they way they feel without abuse.

Eerrrr I gotsta go for now gotta pick up a kiddie from school.

PLEASE PLEASE SEND ME A LINE IF YOU NEED ANY HELP IN UNDERSTANDING BPD.